I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
