so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize