omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
