what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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