Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
