i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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