spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
