wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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