Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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