just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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