we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
