I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i love accidental penises.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
