shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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