apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
