I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
