wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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