So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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