Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
