Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
