I want to make a zoo with you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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