life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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