**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
