Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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