there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
handjob tips. give me some.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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