her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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