took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
