I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
