Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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