Define "chronic" masturbator.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
