dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
