God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
