Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize