I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
