Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
