and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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