and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
