You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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