I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
