I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize