I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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