Is it normal to miss your booty call?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
