dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
