He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
