we have officially lost it.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
