bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
