We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
