Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
