Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
