Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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