Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
