So many bounce houses so little time
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
