I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
