I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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