Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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