Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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