You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
