A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
