dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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