I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
