Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
