Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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