Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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