is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
