omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize