Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
