Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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