He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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