This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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