I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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