i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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