I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Enjoy the penises
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
